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A somewhat drunk man feels a...
A somewhat drunk man feels a bald man's head and says,"Say, your head feels just like my wife's ass."The bald man feels his own head and says with a grin,"You know, you're
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Two drunks walk into a bar...
Two drunks walk into a bar. The first drunk looks at his buddy and says "I gotta go use the can." So he wonders off to the bathroom and is gone for 5 ... 10... 20 minutes. Well
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Clearing it
A very drunk man in a bar tells the bartender and everyone that issitting near him that he can fart out the tune to The Star Spangelled Banner!Everyone who hears this wants to see him do
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A drunk staggered into a cemetery and...
A drunk staggered into a cemetery and fell into a freshly dug grave.Pretty soon a second drunk staggered by. "Get me out of here", said the one in the grave, "I'm cold".
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How can you tell?
"Old Jethro's next door's a-makin' moonshine again." the wife told her husband."How can you tell ?" he asked. "Did you smell it ?""Nope. But a bunch of
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Lost all my luggage
McAteer arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered about the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick."No," replied
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Drunk walks into elevator...
Drunk walks into elevator, no elevator there, falls five stories down, lands on the bottom. Lies there a few seconds, slowly opens his eyes,and then says, ``Dammit, I said UP.''
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It's a ladybug
A customer was sitting in a bar having a few drinks when he noticed a tiny little spot on the wall that seemed to be moving. He called it to the bartender's attention. He glanced at it and
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A horrible tragedy
A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?""My mother died in June," he
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A man had been drinking at the bar for hours...
A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned somethingabout his girlfriend being out in the car.The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When
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There was a young Scotsman called Andy...
There was a young Scotsman called Andy,Who knocked over his bottle of Shandy.He lifted his kilt,To wipe up what he spilt,And the barmaid said, "Blimey! That's handy!"
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5 drinks
A well dressed gentlemen enters the bar of a five star restaurant, sits at the bar and orders four very expensive drinks. The bartender serves them on a silver tray, setting all four in
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Drinking problem
Buford: Man, have you got a drinking problem! Mongo: The hell I do! Buford: The hell you don't!Mongo: I don't have a drinking problem. I drink...I get drunk...I fall down. No problem!
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