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Disorder in the Court!
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the
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A man and his Alligator
A man and his alligator walk into a bar and the man asks, "Does this bar serve lawyers?""Of course we do," replied the bartender."Great," said the man,
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My dad's a Lawyer
Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. "My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy. "Tommy," replied
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Lawyer in a car wreck
One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took of the
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Old dying lawyer
A stingy old lawyer was on his deathbed. He instructed his wife to fill two large pillowcases with money thinking he could pick them up on his way to heaven. Several weeks after his funeral
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Lawyers and sperm
What do a lawyer and sperm have in common?They both have a one in a million chance of being human.
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5000 dead lawyers
What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?A good start!
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dying woman needs brain
A woman diagnosed as having a brain tumor was told by her doctor that she would need the transplant of a one-pound brain. The doctor then asked, "What type of brain do you want?"
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Dead lawyer's grave
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever
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billy's father is a lawyer
A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?" Tim stood up and
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Lawyer vs Physician
A lawyer and a physician had a dispute over precedence.They referred it to Diogenes, who gave it in favor of the lawyer as follows:"Let the thief go first, and the executioner
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a thief and his lawyer
Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury acquitted him. Later that day Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing."Your
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half of everything
Three guys are walking in an abandoned warehouse. They find a genie bottle. They decide to rub it.A genie pops out. He says, "I will grant you each one wish, but there's a catch.
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Lawyer Means...
What's the definition of lawyer? The larval form of a politician.
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Have a Drink
Middle of the night, middle of nowhere, two cars both slightly cross over the white line in the center of the road.They collide and a fair amount of damage is done, although neither is
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Two lawyers walking through the woods
Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious-looking bear. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on.The second
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Lawyer Statue
One day, a guy went into a store, just browsing.He suddenly saw a statue of a rat made of bronze, and thought that it was interesting. He decided to buy it, and so he did.The guy walked out
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The Godfather
The Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walked into a room to meet with his accountant.The Godfather asked the accountant, "Where's the three million bucks you embezzled from
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Cement
Q: What do u have when their is a lawyer up to his neck in cement?A: not enough cement
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Catfish vs. Lawyer
Q: What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?A: Ones a gross dirty slimy scum-sucking bottom-feeder, and ones a fish...
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